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| Posted on Sunday, April 05 @ 00:00:05 PDT |
pairing: jung yoonoh/reader genre: soulmate!au/enemies to lovers!au summary: she doesn’t believe in the concept of soulmates, two people who are just meant to be in each other’s lives sounds like a big responsibility she just wants to avoid. her beloved enemy, proclaimed by her own brain, jung yoonoh, also agrees that the existence of such a concept is created by the love agenda in order to push romance into people’s brains. everything they believed in is proven wrong when they realize they are soulmates in the strangest of ways. type: fluff/angst/romance word count: 17,482
The dull pink colored walls should be enough to calm her down, creating hues around her with the soft toned lights. Instead, she feels the tiniest bit nervous, fidgeting in her steps as she moves behind her friend, eyes flickering from the corner of the store to another. If the workers there did not know her and Alannah, the one that had accompanied her at this small, chic lingerie store in the mall, they would probably think that she is meaning to steal—which is far from the case, but of course, anyone could consider so from the sight of her flustered expression.
Exuding art in every step, Alannah had finally found the time to hang out with her friend, engineering study aside and her own career put to a halt.
Everything seems to be glitter, sunshine and rainbows for Alannah, even jumping a bit on her step as she moves further inside the shop, moving past the bottom sections and moving towards the bras, picking some up from their racks before looking at them with intent.
Running on a few hours of sleep, when she had agreed with Alannah to meet up to buy what would be considered ‘more fitted, sexier bras’, she thought Alannah was joking…and yet, she wasn’t. It’s normal occurrence for the engineering student to go to that mall and visit the boutique, feminine and delicate in all its expanse, but she, herself, as an architecture student doesn’t frequent the place. Much less does she care about the proper garments that Alannah always seems to be gushing about. As long as there is some support and the bands of the bras are not uncomfortable, she is down for it.
Though, the feeling of freedom of her own fingers sliding across her back to grasp at the back of the bra and undoing it after a long day of doing the absolute most at university and work could never and would never compare to anything other than poetic bliss.
Her friend disagrees, quite clearly, taking a lace mint green bra and pushing it towards her chest and over her shirt, Alannah’s tongue sticking out from the corner of her lips, looking at her chest momentarily before sighing.
“Are you sure you don’t want a push-up bra? Those can make you feel like you are trying your best even if you’re not.â€
Then again, there is a reason as to why she is so embarrassed and mortified while being there…and it is because Alannah’s best friend coexists and works in that same spot. The silent, ever fashionable, too chill to be real and too cool to be true guy that sits by the counter and has all the know-nothing, typically attracted individuals to the boutique. She is not one of them, but going out with Alannah translates to giving Yoonoh a visit. “I could try one. I’m trying to battle a concept here with my new bra.†Though, she tries to be comfortable—maybe, all she needs is to enjoy going shopping for once, without really thinking of how expensive underwear is…even when, in most occasions, she is the only one to see it.
“What concept? The granny concept you’ve been carrying on your shoulders for your entire life?†Alannah adds, leaving the woman with laughter in the back of her throat, trying not to be too loud as she looks through the selection Alannah had picked.
“Gravity. I want them to look like they are part of my necklace.
†The girl talk is surely something that she had missed, for Alannah is nothing more than pictures these days. When people had given her the advice of knowing architecture students and architects themselves rarely get any sleep, she had shrugged it off. What is sleep anyway, until you actually need to have it? “I want them up my neck.â€
“That’s what I’m talking about!†Alannah looks through a few of them, settling down for one in simple noir, the one that she had seen in plenty of catalogues when growing up. A small diamond settled in between the cups, lace like Alannah wanted, and definitely not looking comfortable with the puffy substance inside the fabric. Without much thought, her ordinary and audacious friend pushed the bra towards her chest, measuring it with ease as she sighs.
“Alannah, this is so embarrassing!â€
“You have your shirt on.†Alannah tries to argue, clicking her tongue before squinting her eyes. “…And this already looks better than that worn out bra you wear all the time.â€
“Well, sorry for buying stuff and actually wearing it. I didn’t know that was what you weren’t supposed to do.
†She jokes around, a smile on her face when she looks down at her own chest and tries to turn around to look at the pushed up material against her covered chest, only to come face to face to a man that is nearing them, body familiar with the way he moved and face so gorgeous that she could recognize it whilst in the apocalypse itself.
It’s the distasteful, horrendously perfect Jung Yoonoh.
He moves with such patience, like he has all the time in the world, and it seems like he may with how everyone is wrapped around his little finger. Or all fingers, of course. What a mystery it is that the human eye can capture the sight of an individual and translate it into thoughts, feelings and connections, differently for each thinker. In her eyes, the dimples on his cheeks whenever he does so much as tighten the muscle or smile do not translate to beauty only, but pretentiousness as well. His confidence, exuded in the way his eyes look at the world with tranquility, almost with this mightiness and air of arrogance, has only left a bitter taste on her mouth even when people are in love with the looks of him. He is part of the non-believers, of those people who are complex and yet so vain and bland.
Alannah has always said otherwise, much more when she expressed her distaste for him.
Hatred is not the case—she simply can’t seem to figure out how to start a conversation with him, but she is thankful for the amount of support and love he has given to their group of friends, albeit shared…and they rarely even spoke. As if the world is connecting them at all times, quite so, keeping them in the same place at all outings with their friends, even leaving them in the same mall, same lingerie store and the one to attend them, of course, just has to be Jung Yoonoh.
Something about him has always been so insufferable, as if she is talking to the outer version of herself, the one that tries to prove strength and confidence, but his is actually real. Something about him is familiar, like she has just seen him so many years of her life to the point he is a standard, a stamp, someone that she can’t even get away from. In his own way, Yoonoh is simply a part of her life—that one part that she never plans on discovering, in fear of realizing whatever it is that makes her feel so connected to him that she despises it.
Her fingers unwrap from the clothing piece in between them, letting the fabric fall to the floor in utter embarrassment.
Well, there goes any hope of mending whatever broken relationship she has with Yoonoh, she thinks. The pink hues of the store fall upon his face, creating shadows on his slim nose and enigmatic eyes, the elegant dip of his cheek more of a synonym of him rather than absolutely hated, just in time for the two of them to kneel at the same time, hands reaching for the garment and gracing each other’s with ease.
Alannah had once said that their trains of thoughts were similar.
The gray tee that clads his upper body falls down his collarbone, masculine and delicate shoulders in sight the moment she grabs onto the bra and drags it towards her body, embarrassment suddenly settling upon her body because everything had been too fast. Yoonoh walking towards them while she was trying a bra on top of her clothes was definitely the source of her shyness, bringing her up her feet just in time to see Yoonoh lifting his gaze, releasing a soft chuckle and waving at Alannah in similar tempo.
“Alannah, didn’t know you were coming here.†Yoonoh speaks with poise, standing up from the floor and resting his arm on the column nearby. Something about him is calm, and she tries to look the same way in most occasions…but his overall nature seems so natural that it is the cause of endless envy.
Her friend is the one that chuckles, reaching for Yoonoh and wrapping her arms around his neck to give him a hug. What a day to become invisible, she prays in her own head, not wanting to be close to Yoonoh to avoid the awkwardness. His black hair is ruffled by the shorter woman, laughter leaving his lips when he engulfs Alannah in a hug. “Well, I came back to the city for a month or so. I’m on semester break.â€
“I’m glad.†Yoonoh whispers, letting go of her and looking at her for a brief second, quirking one of his eyebrows up in questioning. “I’m guessing you’re looking for bras.â€
“She’s the one looking for a bra.†Alannah points out simply, leaving her with the stacks of bras she had picked out on her hands. “Do you have any advice or…I don’t know, some feedback?â€
“Alannah—†She speaks in between her teeth, gritting them slightly in order to get the words out and when she exchanges a look with Yoonoh, she swears she sees a mocking feature upon his face.
“I would go for black or red…†He tells her and then, he shrugs his shoulders. “But everything is about taste, really, as long as it’s comfortable…it should be fine.
â€
“I told her that,†She utters out, realizing that her voice is much more serious and Alannah nudges her side in order to avoid the void sound in her tone.
Yoonoh pulls away from the column and looks through the choices in the racks, pressing his lips together when he rummages through the garments. “What size are you and what are you looking for exactly?â€
Talking to Yoonoh about such a matter leaves her flustered, putting the garments in her hands closer to her body before shaking her head. “Uh…no, I think I have some good options already. Don’t worry.â€
With acoustic music playing in the background, Alannah exchanges a glance with her friend. “Are you sure? Yoonoh is good with stuff like this. He always picks mine out.â€
“That sounds so bad.†Yoonoh adds, as natural as always and she doesn’t know what it is inside her brain that keeps her so repulsed from him. Maybe, she is afraid of his judgement…or perhaps, she is the one that has been judging him all along. With a curt nod of her head, she replies, watching as the opportunity of delving into a somewhat normal conversation with Yoonoh dissipates into the thin air.
Cursing her friend inside her head for even prompting for him to give her advice on picking her underwear out, she hears Alannah hissing softly, pressing two fingers to her ear.
“Someone must be gossiping about me…I hear a beep. †The believer of the most magical things in life, such as astrology, the stars and whatever myths she reads about, had said out loud, enough to earn a scoff from Yoonoh.
“That’s a myth, don’t let people bullshit you with stuff like that.â€
Huh, how convenient, the pretty and yet arrogant looking guy is also aware of how Alannah is too gullible for her own good.
Though, the woman in the beret with the high artistic blood pumping through her veins, can simply jump on her feet with excitement as she says: “Give me a number, any of you two, quick! I have to count which letter of the alphabet is the initial of my gossiper.â€
While looking through her options and settling for a simple, beige bra in her size, she sighs and says a number out loud. “ Eighteen. †Yet, her voice is doubled over with a calm one over it, making her scrunch up her nose and frown slightly, looking to the side to catch Yoonoh already looking at her with surprise.
Huh, he had also said eighteen…
Yet, that’s such a typical number. Anyone would have picked it, there are different chances of them getting the same number correctly.
Alannah, however, looked as if she had seen magic itself happen, blinking quickly before uttering out a small…“R…?â€
“Hate to break it to you, Alannah, but that’s just a myth. It’s impossible for your ear to beep every time someone talks badly about you.â€
“Nonsense!†Alannah puffs out her chest with pride, taking her by the arm and wrapping her limb around her own. “We need to figure out who this R person is…â€
She doesn’t miss the way Yoonoh laughs, agreeing silently with her on the fact that Alannah is crazy and out of her mind at times, clinging to that innocence that no one even cares about anymore.
For people who have never even spoken properly, they surely have a few things in common. Where had she heard that when someone reminds you immensely of yourself…you’re immediately going to hate them endlessly?
ï’š
“Don’t you get tired of reading those?â€
She doesn’t even look to the side, knowing that Alannah is going to be extremely close to her face, speaking up at her as if she was unable to hear or see her properly.
Meanwhile, her fingers flick to another page of the architecture magazine that one of her classmates had lent her, non-visibly gaping at the beauty of another construction, a skyscraper that she could have only wished on designing. Something about drawing a place and watching it come to life is the dream of a drawer…but there is more to it when it comes to an architect. They create homes, workplaces, spots for people to hang out in and without the infrastructure of life, there would be no foundation. She believes in the power of patience, of waiting, of slow-built work until she saw a bigger spectrum of what she initiated with. It connects to her work ethic, to her studies and even transfers into her personal life. Something that Alannah, the quite opposite of her, can’t seem to understand.
But she is far too sleepy to even care about the pumping music in the shared apartment her friends had invited her to, crossing one leg over the other and hearing the cheering nearby of her friends playing a stupid game of FIFA. “Uh, I guess it gives me inspiration…and I have a project to work in. Instead of working on it, I’m giving my brain an excuse to believe I am doing something.
†She tries to argue, a small smile settling on her face just in time to watch Alannah snatching the magazine away from her hands, soon after engulfing her face in her touch whilst holding her cheeks.
“Okay, enough of pretending like I care about your architecture endeavors.†It’s the reality, her friends truly don’t understand how she would love getting little to no sleep and designing structures , out of everything. She spends way too much money on the projects she has to do for university, she has slept on her classroom at night more times than she is proud of and her classmates agree with her, this is the lifestyle they are settling for. In her job, however, she could deliver the most thought-out of projects and it would always be lightly edited for someone else of higher caliber to claim as their own. It’s a tough lifestyle…and yet, the one that she loves the most. It gives a distraction, from her thoughts and the dullness of life.
“Geez, thanks.†She utters, looking at her friend’s glowing face, her lipstick smeared on the sides, drunkenness reading through her gaze. “What do you need?â€
Alannah is not the type to ask for much, unless it’s for someone she cares about.
An independent woman, she is, and someone who is remotely normal until the names of her friends are spoken into the air and turned into her entire world. Someone like her is not bound to be hurt, but she could very well be. The amount of fake friendships she has told Alannah to stay away from, however, seem to be going in an ear and getting out of the other. “I am so fucking drunk…I can even see the back of my head if I do this, like it’s insane.†Rolling her eyes to the top of her head, Alannah shows how drunken she is and she can’t help but laugh in amusement. “And…Yoonoh’s car just died on him and we need to buy some snacks…and some medicine for tomorrow when I can’t even fucking stand from the bed, so would you mind using my car and driving him to the convenience store?â€
At the sound of such name, she can’t help but groan, resting her back further into the abandoned couch with an exaggerated plop. “I’ll just stay here, I’m feeling too lazy to deal with the drunk arrogant guy.â€
“He’s not arrogant.â€
“Okay, yeah, maybe not—†She argues, crossing one leg over the other and pushing Alannah’s hands away from her face.
“But it’s awkward. He’s the only person out of this entire group of friends that I don’t even talk to…and you want to put us together in a car?â€
“I’m not letting him walk alone to the convenience store!â€
“So? Give him your car keys and he can drive alone!â€
The ever-caring friend fluffs out her cheeks in pure stress. “I don’t want any of you to go alone. It’s dangerous out there and it’s midnight, anything could happen on the way there.†The tanned woman speaks with certainty, bringing her glass of wine up to her lips and taking a short sip before fluttering her eyelashes. “Pretty please? I promise to get you anything you want if you go with him.â€
The idea of that promise is enough to bring her up her feet, because Alannah is the type to go all out with her promises and gifts. If she asks for a meal, she’ll definitely get all three in a day, and that is more than she could ever ask for. “Alright, give me your car keys.†Alannah swirls the metal in between her fingers, dropping it on her open palm at the same time that her fingers wrapped at the edge of her dress, bringing it down her thighs to cover up more of herself.
“Mwah, mwah—†Alannah feigns blowing kisses in the air, onomatopoeia clear in her voice. “I love you so much. You’re the best of friends.â€
“Tell Yoonoh I’ll be waiting for him in the car outside.â€
“Okay!â€
The breeze of the midnight bites at her thighs, her popliteal area, leaving her in absolute discomfort with the tight dress she had taken out of her wardrobe in hopes of looking different and feeling partially alive. Her life has consisted of sweatpants and baggy shirts nowadays, so the dress had seemed inviting when she had put it on, but when stepping inside the car, seated on the old leather seats of Alannah’s car, she swore at the uncomfortable feeling, as if her thighs would get stuck to the fabric anytime soon. The heels were also a bad choice, too much for a simple friendly meeting with the closest to her currently, but she has to own up to her choices, turning on the car and wait for Yoonoh as if she did not wish to step on the pedal and leave him behind.
Now that she thinks about it…Yoonoh had not always been an absolute headache, but everything in between them had been absolutely uncomfortable.
Bring it back to the moment he was fourteen, when his teenage innocence was still something that caught the attention of people around him and he was more given to making mistakes, open to being wild and crazy for once, a boy that everyone wanted to hang out with. One of those times in which his class-clown friends had invited him to dance in front of the class, he had seemed immensely cool, simply taking in the ridiculous steps and turning it into something else. The class had laughed and long story short, she had tried it as well—wanting to partake in the normal activities of dumb teenagers, she had tried to join in…only that no one laughed, and embarrassment had easily overtaken her, turning her into this serious version of herself from an early age.
Still, she remembers the absolute turmoil she went through for an entire week.
It’s partially her fault, too. It wasn’t even that funny.
But from then on, talking to Yoonoh had seemed difficult, like they are similar people in different worlds. He has always been more of the accepted version of herself, whilst she is misjudged as extremely serious and stuck-up, whilst his personality is dressed as elegance.
It’s stupid, it’s sexist in its own way, and she despises it. Part of that bleeds into this…situation with Yoonoh.
Because he is not an enemy, but he is also not a friend.
The sound of the passenger’s door opening leaves her a bit mortified, jumping on her seat and bringing a hand to her chest when she turns to look at the culprit. The person seated by her side is none other than whom she should have been expecting, Jung Yoonoh, sporting a beanie over his disheveled hair and a striped shirt, in colors of red and black. Tones that he had spoken about two weeks ago or so, when she had bought the bra that had fit her quite as perfectly as Alannah had boosted about. His eyes look at her, the puffiness under them otherwise endearing had not they been half as awkward as they are, her name escaping his lips, she repeats the action but with his, giving him a nod just at the moment that his eyes linger on her thighs for the briefest moment.
Instead, he opts to look away and hook his fingers around the seatbelt, putting it over his body and huffing softly. “Okay, you can start driving.â€
Though, she doesn’t, instead speaking softly in between them.
“Shit, I forgot I can’t actually drive with heels on.†She mumbles, reaching down and taking off her heels before placing them on the backseat. Once barefoot, she eyes the ignition, makes sure the lights are on and starts driving, the stiff atmosphere in between the two acquaintances suddenly being filled by the sound of Yoonoh’s chuckle.
“Why did you even put heels on? We weren’t going anywhere, either way, just hang out and all…†This is what she hates about Yoonoh, the enchantment that everyone talks about…this exuded highness that places him like a king in a world of peasants.
“Sometimes I just have to wear what I want, don’t I?†She asks, looking at him from the corner of her eye and turning on the radio, Alannah’s preferred radio station jumping in noise around the car.
“I’m not saying the opposite. I’m just saying…heels must not be comfortable, why wear them?â€
“They looked cute with the outfit.†She argues, trying to keep her voice levelled and not tell him to just mind his damn business. Ignore her like he did when they were mere teenagers, and the pettiness still clings to her—
“Well, you’re right about that.
It looks cute.†Unexpected it is to realize that Yoonoh had actually inspected her outfit, let alone looked at her and seen enough to deem it as cute. The flutter that comes with the obvious attractiveness that belongs to him is to be waited for, making her concentrate on something else after thanking him softly.
The music is insufferable, exactly like Alannah’s tastes—some dubstep song that gets boring after a while, she swears she hears Yoonoh complain about the song when she uses her fingers to blindly change the radio station, coming in contact with a pair of warm fingertips. Her eyes are trained in the road, but Yoon0h’s eyes are forever engraved in her profile, letting him change the radio station in time with her just to comment something under her breath, awkwardly enough and yet enchanting in its own way.
“I love that song.â€
With his darling laughter, he nods his head, her peripheral vision tells her so. “I was going to say the same thing.â€
And that trip to the convenience store was peaceful, rather than excruciatingly painful as she would have thought. Soft, R&B music playing in the background and the sound of Yoonoh’s soft breaths, gentlemanly enough to leave her with the heater inside the car and go buy in the convenience store on his own, not missing the time to give her a snack similar to the one he had bought for himself.
How…strange it is that it is also one of her favorite snacks.
ï’š
How do you know when youth ends?
Is youth an age, an era, is it a timely manner or an attitude? Is it in the way people act or in the memories of who they used to be? Does it ever end? All those questions battle inside her brain, much more when all energy is drained from her body, it worries her to lose her youth—not necessarily in the form of wrinkles and aging, but in responsibility. The reality of her life is that she feigns this seriousness, this absolute unapproachable personality that protects her from ever being dumb…or even human. People judge her for it and sometimes, she judges herself too. She fears she’ll always be cutting all ties with having fun and making mistakes, all in the name of never making a fool of herself.
Actually, she believes she has already merged into what she calls ‘ the old lady mindset ’. For the very first time in a week, she has been able to crash back in her apartment, aware of how she hadn’t left the campus in days, eating, breathing, sleeping and studying all in the same place, as if it was her home. Yet, the first thing she does when she gets home is grab that one historical novel that she had been dying to read, doing some research on the fictional world-building that had captured her until Alannah decided to give her a visit, speaking of her own view of life.
Alannah breathes in youth. She wants to enjoy everything at the maximum in the now that she lives. If she laughs, she does it loudly. If she does something bad, she apologizes. She does not fear trusting or loving, kissing or telling. Living is living for someone like her, and spending the only free night she has reading is something that Alannah finds…non-understandable. Much more when she had insisted, time and time again, on denying that one blind date Alannah had been planning for weeks, with this one friend of hers that she could not give two shits about.
Youth shouldn’t be about dating, or lack of understanding, or irresponsibility. Youth should also be synonym of growing, of feeling and believing in one self over everything and anything. Youth should not be cringe-worthy or centered in romance…and that is one damned mindset to have, but it’s real. This town has built its roots out of pure romance, thinking that soulmates and anything of the like exist, pushing people to marriage, children, growing lives that are not necessarily the conceptualization of reality. Life cannot be lived alone, some say, and it is partially true, but in the world one enters alone and leaves the same way, so right in the nature of the concept.
She believes she is better off alone, simply living with a book, her proximal degree and her job that leaves her with a headache most of the time.
“But you’ve told me they were cute before,†Alannah utters, jumping on her bed and holding a pillow close to her chest, but the image is completely ignored by her as she continues to pretend she is reading her book. After all, it is difficult to concentrate when Alannah is talking to her about this concept that she doesn’t want to partake in. “I don’t get it. You two get along so well—â€
“Huh, so I know the person you wanted me to go on a blind date with?†She asks, pushing the covers off her body and leaning to the side to look at Alannah, who bites down on her bottom lip and sucks in a breath that she tries to hold in. “Just tell me it isn’t Jung Yoonoh, because I’ll kick you out of this apartment myself if that’s the case.â€
Alannah shakes her head at that, recently red-dyed hair jumping from the loose ponytail that is behind her head. “No, that would be too awkward. Hot couple, sure, but too awkward for its own good. I’d never put you two together.
†Alannah argues, looking up dreamily with a smile on her face before chuckling to herself, more like giggling…and a giggle from Alannah means absolute trouble. “But Jisoo…â€
She raises from her spot at that, closing her book in one go and taking the material to hit Alannah on her shoulder. “Did you try to set me up on a date with my prom date?!â€
“Well, he took your virginity! I’m sure there would be a spark there—†Alannah takes her phone from the bedside table, unlocking it and speaking with all the emotions in the world, excitement being the main one. “He’s going to the same gym as me and he said he was coming back for spring break this week, so I thought bringing back an old spark would serve you as some kind of distraction and it would be good for him.†The image of her old love affair appears on the screen, posing in front of a mirror like a man starving for himself. Indeed, extremely cute, but there is something that she holds even tighter than her sheets early in the morning and those are grudges.
The night had been magical then, long dress and a good-looking man making her feel like she was the only woman in the world.
It was a daydream then, a month later he was simply changing—the typical ‘ it’s not you, it’s me ’ leaving for college, just like he did…and ever since then, everything simply turned out to be a memory. It made her feel used at the time, aware of the stigma of society of losing the what-so-called ‘virginity’ with the person of her dreams, but she kept the night hidden in her drawers, rarely asked by her previous partners. “Nope, not meeting up with him again.†She answers, placing Alannah’s phone down before sighing.
“Aren’t you scared?â€
“…Scared…of what?â€
Alannah locks her phone, plopping down beside her on the bed and looking up at the ceiling. There is this romanticism placed inside Alannah’s brain, in the matching bracelets with her closest friends that are wrapped around both their wrists, in the astrology charts she reads and in the myths she believes in. This town is full of those, after all. “Of not meeting your soulmate.â€
She is starting to sound a lot like a non-believer at this point. “I don’t believe in that concept, so I’m not scared.
†She says, playing with the edges of Alannah’s dry hair and chuckling. “I’m not afraid of being alone. I tried what I had to try. I’m not dying for sex, much less for that special connection with someone. That’s bothersome.â€
“It’s cute.â€
“Depending on someone is scary,†She utters, reminiscent of the relationships she had been part of. “Suddenly your life is not only yours, and you owe explanations and texts and calls and all these things. I don’t feel like I am ready for that. I just think love is not for everyone.â€
“But it is!†Alannah indicates, looking for her phone and searching something up on Google. “Soulmate bonds are not that common in the now, in the world that we know as of now, but they still exist.†She doesn’t want to ruin the innocence of her friend, like a little child that still believes in Santa. That is part of the world, to have a variety of personalities getting along with each other and someone like Alannah is exactly what she needs. For the laughs, for the glimpse of what real believers look like. “Look, there is this myth—â€
“Alannah, I don’t wanna see any of that—â€
“You just are bound to accept your soulmate.
You feel like they are your soulmate and even if you don’t want to date them, you need them. They just…help you be a better person.â€
“Everything we need is inside ourselves.†She reasons, only to earn an eye-roll from Alannah.
“I dated my soulmate and it didn’t work out. Remember, Jessica?†Alannah asks, making her remember the one cheery woman that had reminded her so much of Alannah. When they had dated, it was absolutely unexpected and somehow working perfectly, until that connection died down. She simply nods. “I just…went crazy and dated her because I thought that’s what soulmates are meant to do, but I read a few books. Collins, Kim, Gonzalez, all the last names of authors that have written about this in non-fiction books.†The excitement in her voice doesn’t die down when she straightens her back. “We all have a soulmate but we don’t fall in love with them in the majority of the cases, but if we deny the existence of soulmates and never open up to that bond, the connection…breaks, in some way or another. The concept is actually pretty simple.â€
Playing with the edge of the pages of her book that is now long forgotten, she hums.
“Alright, explain.â€
“When we are born, we are set a group of people that are almost exactly like us. Not in life existence, not in memories, but in souls. Your soul can be a million things, it is how you truly are and how you are crafted even through every experience. It’s your essence, basically, what makes you—you, the only thing that unites the person you were five years ago to who you are right now.†Alannah explains, speaking with wild mannerisms and a smile-shaped mouth. “We have people that connect with us that way, soulmates that are all around the world, but we meet around…two or one in our lifetimes. Some absentmindedly, some actually realize. It was scientifically and emotionally proven that there is this kind of myth that happened because of a curse ten centuries ago. A goddess decided not to talk to her soulmate because he was a demigod, leaving them with a broken relationship.â€
“…And?â€
“ And, †Alannah pats her hand against her thigh. “They had a broken bond, meaning that their souls kind of…had a glitch going on. Their souls tried to connect mentally in order to unite them further, and whenever they thought about each other, they would hear the other person’s voice in their heads.
â€
She puckers her lips up at that, squinting her eyes briefly. “I don’t get it.â€
“Let’s say you’re my soulmate and we don’t get along well. I hate you, basically.†Alannah answers, making her nod her head in understanding. “I break ties with you, whatever, that only leaves our souls to work alone, not with fate or destiny. So, if I thought… shit, this girl is an absolute asshole , you would hear it in your brain. Only if I thought something about you, and other cases of broken soulmates show that if they really wish for you to do something, you’ll do it.â€
“So…if you were my soulmate and our souls were broken…you could wish I would pick my nose and I would.â€
Shrugging, Alannah hums. “If I wished for it hard enough, with my entire soul…â€
For the first time in that night, she could not even hold in her laughter, throwing her head back in silent chuckles and holding her stomach with her hand, chest shaking at the image of such an atrocity—the trope of a perfect fantasy, written for children and teenagers to fear living alone. Her eyes open to see Alannah’s mortified expression, trying to argue that it is true and she has ‘proof’, something that she can’t even see when she shakes her head.
“That doesn’t happen and it certainly won’t happen to me,†She says, biting down on her bottom lip and looking up at the ceiling. “Soulmates don’t exist. What is inside us is all we need.†That is what she has been trying to tell herself for years, lifting her body off the bed and putting her book down on the table. “You know what? Let’s just stop talking about this and go make something to eat. I think I didn’t even have dinner.†Well, forgetful as it can get, or perhaps used to the life of a fulltime worker and student, she gets Alannah’s attention, who agrees with her immediately.
Soulmates are not to be looked for, much less do they exist in a world that goes around poverty, of people trying to better themselves for the life they could never have. What is there to worry about? Love? When there are million things a person can achieve on their own, like high positions in a job or a degree to hang in the wall. Love is just a plus, like adding pepperoni to pizza, like drinking coffee with ice. It is not necessary, it’s tasteful to some, but others simply refrain from it, afraid of the consequences, whichever they may be.
ï’š
She is in her zone, and yet so out of it.
The mall is the place she likes to be in the least, but it’s almost Alannah’s second home when she is in the city to visit. Cooking or baking is so far from her language and watching movies in the comfort of an apartment is just too boring, so her mind immediately connects the image of the mall when Alannah asks her to go out to eat. Not to be misunderstood, she would have said no to work on her project in the comfort of her preferred classroom, with the sound of the TA working on his computer, tap against tap on the keyboard. However, Alannah is three days away from going back to her university life away from the country, leaving her with the only option of ‘ yes ’. Then again, that doesn’t mean Alannah is going to be on time…far away from it.
Luckily for her, the mall is sufficiently empty for her to feel comfortable and one of the workers of the smoothie place had been kind enough to let her connect her charger in there to use her laptop. Another note that she has to keep in mind, to fix her laptop or buy a new one, because the battery doesn’t even work if it’s not connected and it’s a damned headache.
A power-out would be enough to ruin this twenty-page project with over ten thousand words, still continuing with the explanation of Europe’s style in building, specifically her assignation of studying the architecture in Prague. Perfect in terms of redaction, of course, but still suffering with her hunched-over position, with her laptop leaving her in the corner of the store and with the uncomfortable metal chair that is digging to the back of her thighs.
She continues to type, inspired and waiting for her friend, sticking her tongue out in concentration before she hears the sound of the doors opening, the first client after her to arrive to the smoothie place. They are expensive, but they are right up the artistic Alannah’s style. She lifts her gaze momentarily, suddenly aware of the existence of Jung Yoonoh as he makes his way inside the store. Long legs covered by ripped jeans, the black tee oversized on his body, hair pushed back like he always looks when he is working in that damned lingerie store and he seemed to be too concentrated on his phone to even notice her.
Not like he would even greet her…or that she would even try to approach him, either.
Though she tries to concentrate on the task at hand, she can’t help but listen to Yoon0h’s order.
He’s asking for one of those green smoothies, making her cringe at the Oreo smoothie she had asked for early in the morning, creamy, cold and perfect to keep her awake. The sugar intake any university student needs, actually. He is talking to the worker there, all formalities aside, simply asking a few questions that she can’t even be aware of. He’d probably notice if she kept on snooping on his business, so she tries to continue with her work…not even saving it.
It’s not until Yoonoh asks where the trashcan is that she worries, mainly because all it takes is a tug on her charger and Yoonoh falling to the ground for her to see her screen go completely black, making her stand up in the blink of an eye, looking to the side to see Yoonoh with his hands sprawled on the floor, green smoothie now coating the tiles. He may have hit himself a bit harshly, but she doesn’t care when all she can think about are ten thousand words of work with citations, qu0tations and resumes completely lost into nothingness.
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?! Don’t you see where you’re going?!†But she’s not enough of a monster not to help him up, using her force to help him up his feet.
Yoonoh’s expression changes into a scowl, looking at her with squinted eyes as he scoffs.
“Excuse me? I wasn’t the one disrupting the place with a charger!â€
“I wasn’t the one that was not looking at the floor when walking!†Her voice is a bit loud, booming in the early hours of the morning, pointing at Yoonoh’s chest with her index finger and connecting the charger with her free hand in hopes of getting her hard work back. God, why had she not saved the document?! “Now I lost an entire project because you couldn’t be careful, but it’s not like you care, you never care!â€
Yoonoh’s eyes widen at that, taking a few napkins and dabbing them against the floor to wipe the mess. “How am I going to care about you when we have never even talked?â€
“Well, this is the reason! You just don’t care about anyone, you’re too busy trying to look like a hot piece of ass to even look to the floor!†She reasons, looking through her documents until she found the auto-save. Seven thousand words saved last time —goddamn it.
“You know what? I’m tired of this judgmental shit you have going on.
†He tells her, placing the dirty napkins inside the trashcan and rolling his eyes. His voice is much softer than hers, though. “All you do is talk about me with everyone. It’s like you’re obsessed!â€
“I just think you’re arrogant!â€
“You don’t even know me!â€
“I have known you for long enough to judge—!â€
Her voice is cut off when one of the workers shushes them, making her turn back to see the man at the register, the one that had been talking with Yoonoh before. “Can you two keep it down? This is a public place and my manager would be mad at me for this commotion.†Her lips are about to part to defend herself, thinking of how insufferable Jung Yoonoh is, but her thoughts are cut short when she hears a calm, collected, much more elegant voice inside her head speaking in a hassle—and it’s a masculine voice.
“ Me? Insufferable? Fuck, I wish she would shut up for five minutes and just let me speak, then she wouldn’t judge me like a madman. â€
That must be Yoonoh speaking, the voice is too clear for it not to be, but when the man is apologizing, she turns to look at him and scream some more at his face, as if she had not tried to get close to him in high school only to go completely ignored, even made fun of behind her back if what she can feel from him is enough, but when her lips part…nothing comes out.
She tries to speak again, opening her lips wider only for nothing to come out, making Yoonoh frown. “Hey, why are you doing that?†He asks, voice filled with anger and frustration, but when he realizes that she points to her throat, he gets closer to her face. “Are you choking? Hey, what’s going on?!†After reaching for her phone, she types down on the notes something simple for him to understand along the lines of ‘ I heard your voice inside my brain asking me to shut up and now I can’t speak ’, but Yoonoh is quick to look taken aback, a brief smile appearing on his face. “Wait, how did you do that? Your lips did not move but you spoke. I heard it.†She widens her eyes at that, showing him the screen of her phone and pointing widely, only to have him chuckling, amused by the antics she is going through. “You’re joking.â€
It’s stupid, to believe whatever it is that Alannah had told her but the idea suddenly appears in her brain, that one conversation they had weeks ago when talking about Jisoo…the soulmate bond, how when it got broken it could result to the souls trying to connect in every way possible.
Maybe, that is the reason why she had always felt like Yoonoh was too much like herself, weirdly connected by this hatred they had, this relationship that always brought them close even when they were worlds away. This could not be…“ Yoonoh, listen to me. †She says in her inner voice, watching as Yoonoh raises an eyebrow in front of her. “ Are you listening? â€
“ Yeah… †He says inside his brain, but then he raises his hands up. “I’m out of here. This is weird and nonsense. Pinch me, this must be a dream—â€
“ Search up ‘broken soulmate bond’ on Google. †She thinks, looking down at the watch to see how many minutes she had left until she could speak. How was Alannah right about this thing?!
“ No! â€
“ Yoonoh, do it! People are going to think we are weird because we are only staring at each other. â€
“Alright…†He says out loud, taking her phone in his hands and searching for the term, looking through the first search and shaking his head the more he read. “You just can’t be my soulmate.â€
She rolls her eyes at that. Two more minutes until she can scream at her asshole of a soulmate.
“ Well, it’s not like I wanted you to be my soulmate, either… †Very handsome and yet so shallow, like he really doesn’t care about anyone else in the world but him.
“I’ll ignore the shallow comment.†Yoonoh says out loud, making her slap her hand against his arm in utter fear, almost excitedly. He had also heard that?! Is this not a fever dream? “So, if I wish for you to speak again…you’ll do it.†Before she could think of an answer, he tilts his head to the side. “Oh, sorry—if I sincerely wish something, sorry, I don’t think I can do that—â€
Parting her lips again, she finally feels her voice coming back, though a bit hoarse. “You asshole.â€
“Wait!†He says, looking to the sides before lowering his voice. “You were faking the no-voice thing?â€
“I wish, five minutes have passed by.†She utters, now completely forgetting the document that is blinking back at her on the computer screen. “So…I think we’re…broken soulmates?†The word sounds foreign to her and even thinking about Yoonoh left her utterly confused.
This connection that she had always felt and that her friends had always seen now makes sense, as if it was meant to happen but they never were interested on it.
“I don’t want to trust this thing.†Yoonoh whispers, giving her back her phone before shrugging. “I don’t believe in soulmates.â€
“Neither do I!†She says, looking up and down at him. “Much less do I want to your soulmate.â€
“What do you mean?†He asks, making her shake her head before placing her phone back on top of the table.
“Let’s just—Let’s study this, okay? Any other day. We just have to know whatever the fuck this was.â€
“Well, I agree on that.†Yoonoh says, looking out of the shop when the door opens, waving his hand at whom she realizes after is Alannah. “But I don’t think we should talk about this right now.â€
She hisses at the sight of her friend. Oh, she’d never let this live down… “Right, I agree.†For the first time in years, they do seem to agree on something. “I’ll text you and we can agree on a day or something. I don’t want to repeat what happened today.
â€
“Okay,†He says, walking over to Alannah and engulfing her in a hug, maybe as a way to cover that the named enemies had been talking just a few minutes ago.
Enemies…and soulmates…
Even the thought makes her cringe, plopping down on her seat and looking up for something else online, like how to get back a document that had been lost…but her mind goes back to the strange matters that had happened earlier. They just couldn’t be like the goddess and demigod of Alannah’s story, it was impossible, and yet so possible at the same time.
###
Her eyes flutter close, eyelids burning the moment they come together, eyes watery, fingers curling softly into themselves in comfort, head lulling forward just in time for her to catch it. All these nights without sleeping thanks to the lack of inspiration for her latest project at her job could only be worsened by the reminder of Yoonoh’s texts, trying to come up with the perfect day for them to meet and study whatever it is that is going on in between them. In times, he swears he can hear her voice inside her head, making comments of how annoyed he is by her messages and she may fight back at times, speaking to him through her thoughts and hoping it reaches him.
In other occasions, or all the other ones to be exact, when Yoonoh is thinking about everything but her, she doesn’t even catch his voice. Some days are silent, thankfully, the majority of them have been unless they talk to each other.
The local library is not a place she frequents, studying comes in the dead of the night when she can’t even keep awake anymore, the light of the moon contrasting with the one on her desk, created by a lamp. Working comes in the afternoons, leaving her drained and sometimes, she doesn’t even go back home, so the library at the campus is just equally as unvisited. However, Yoonoh had insisted to meet up there, leaving her alone with the pile of books the librarian had pointed out when she asked for soulmate books.
And yes, those exist.
What new world is this…and why is she getting to discover it?
She opens her eyes when she feels herself drifting off again, the sound of the clock only serving as a lullaby, reaching for her phone and looking at the time before plopping her face down on the desk. Had Yoonoh said eight or nine…? She doesn’t recall and she’s too tired to even check again, breathing in softly, so delicately it couldn’t even be heard.
She imagined the comfort of her bed, wondering why she is spending her day off in meeting up with the arrogant Yoonoh, who couldn’t even give her more than a sentence as a response for her texts. It’s not even worth it, she believes, but she is so entranced in the sound of his voice inside her brain occasionally, talking about her…that she is not sure she can stand it.
The feeling of someone’s fingertips wrapping around the hood of her sweater and bringing it up her head had her opening her eyes, or maybe it was the voice that she had already listened to inside her brain, too busy falling asleep to even care about what Yoonoh had thought about her and accidentally had confessed. The fluffiness of her pink sweater cradles her face and while she doesn’t want to look up, she does to see Yoonoh.
She’ll make no comment about how he looks like…because he’ll listen to that, and there is something about this casual combination that is working for him. When does it not?
For the good or for the bad, she’ll keep it to herself.
“You’re late.†She concludes, hearing the soft thud of Yoonoh sitting down on the chair beside her, but he shakes his head.
“ You are early.†Yoonoh tells her, ruffling the back of his damp hair with his hands. “I was taking a shower, grabbed something to eat and I came here…five minutes before we actually had to meet up.â€
When she looks at her phone again, she realizes she had taken a short nap of twenty-five minutes and now it’s nine in the morning. Right, they had said nine in the morning…but she is not going to apologize for that. “Good, I had to take a nap on a hard surface thanks to you.â€
“…That was your own fault.â€
But she’d never accept that , she thinks, opening one of the books just in time for her to start speaking. “I haven’t done much research, I just read through the lists of topics touched in these old myths books and some that study the science behind emotional connections and soulmates. All of them include the broken soulmate bond thing we are experiencing, according to what Alannah told me.â€
Yoonoh’s almond shaped eyes widen at that, finally settling his gaze on hers. “You told Alannah about this?â€
“I would never,†She exaggerates, pointing to her chest in turmoil, almost like it would pain her if she did.
“It’s as weird for me as it is for you…and I just had to experience it with the one person I don’t even talk to, you’re the equal to a stranger that I somehow know about and it’s damn scary.†She admits, licking her lips and looking down at the page number to search for the term they are looking for. Yoonoh copies her actions, looking through another bigger book himself. “We talked about it because Alannah and I were talking about me not having someone in my life.â€
“Mhm,†Yoonoh hums, looking over her shoulder to see what she is reading about. “What does it say there?†His fingers point at the page, body closer to her, his chest pressed to the side of her shoulder just to look at what the page is reading, very technical, definitely a science book.
“The term soulmate is used when referring to another individual with affinity, often connected to friendships and relationships…yeah, yeah, whatever.†She moves further on the pages until she reaches the ‘types of soulmates’ part, tapping her finger against the page in silence before humming. “ Broken soulmate , when two people find that bond and decide to break it, whether it is for differences or because they want to go against fate.
â€
“Uh-huh…†Yoonoh whispers. “What does a broken soulmate do?â€
“Symptoms of a broken soulmate?â€
“I don’t think it’s a sickness.â€
“I consider hearing you in my brain whenever you talk shit about me a very severe sickness.†She pushes, taking the book from his hands before flickering through some pages. “It says here that a broken soulmate bond often includes long-lasting emptiness and lack of developing proper relationships, with the affected duo not being able to pinpoint what is bothering them.†She continues, wondering when in the world she had felt empty. Drained of energy is common, for she has too many responsibilities to take care of and most often than not she leaves them for last, but emptiness in a romantic aspect or in a friendship one has never been the first of her worries. “Has it happened to you?â€
“Well, everyone has been lonely…†He tells her, looking into her eyes before shrugging. “I’ve never paid much attention to being lonely, though.â€
“I’m the same way,†She cringes at the thought of being similar to Yoonoh.
Huh, maybe Alannah was not wrong when she said they had more things in common than what she envisioned.
“…Did Alannah really say that?â€
“Stop listening to my thoughts.†Right, she had completely forgotten about that bond that keeps them united, reading a bit more before sighing. “This is too much information…but it includes what we’re going through.â€
Yoonoh’s face is by her side, the heat from his cheeks radiating towards her face when he reads out loud. “Mental connections are bound to happen, some individuals described a fantastic event of listening to their soulmate’s feelings about them, though the percentage of patients affected by this after-effect were around 2% of the population of broken soulmates. Four out of ten soulmates break their bond absentmindedly, by argumentative problems and fights against fate.†The sound of his chuckle follows soon after, shaking his head at the message in the book when he pushes his weight back on the seat. “This is bullshit. I don’t even believe in ghosts and you expect me to believe this?â€
“We are soulmates, Yoonoh, and this is happening to us.
â€
“Maybe, we are just very alike and you can think similar things to me…or you can simply guess what I’m thinking and vice versa.â€
“We are not psychics!â€
“But we also can’t be soulmates!†Yoonoh argues, frowning deeply when he closes the door in one go. He places his hands on top of her eyes, breathing in roughly. “Tell you what, we are going to try this. Try to hear what I’m thinking about you and we’ll see if this is true—â€
She does her best, listening to her thoughts but she comes up with nothingness. “You’re not thinking about me, Yoonoh.â€
“Damn it.â€
What a fucking dumbass.
“Hey, watch it—†Yoonoh whispers, only to have her raising her hands in the air.
“See?! You heard me!†She reasons, only to watch him stand up from his seat, in complete disbelief. His body seems to be drained of all this confident energy that often surrounds him, hunching his back in absolute despair.
“I’m leaving, this is just crazy. We should go to a doctor instead—†Her thoughts are not controlled at that moment, thinking of how she wishes Yoonoh would just fall and listen to her, stay and try to understand what their soulmate bond is supposed to mean, but the sound of someone plopping down on the floor makes her look to the flooring, seeing Yoonoh sprawled on the floor, sitting up quickly before half-smiling at her.
“Did you just wish I would fall?â€
She tries to muffle the laughter that escapes her lips, covering her mouth with her hand and letting out a soft giggle. “Well, it must have worked…â€
“I must be going insane.†Yoonoh answers, taking her hand when she gets him to stand up. “It’s like I am meant to fall on the floor when you’re around.â€
“It’s where you belong.†She contradicts, taking the book in her hands and opening it once again. “I read here, before you lost your calm for the first time in your life, that people with a broken soulmate bond should try to mend their friendship and live in peace in order for all the effects to go away.†And when she reads over once again, she realizes that she is right. Paraphrasing and all, she was correct.
Yoonoh’s arms cross over his chest but instead of looking at him and accepting that he may look a bit handsome like he normally does, she avoids even staring at his flexed arms. He could listen to her thoughts if she did…and he probably wouldn’t let her live it down. “We can do that.â€
“I think we can’t.†She replies, but Yoonoh sighs.
“Not with that mentality,†He patiently adds, rubbing his hands together before taking another book in his hands. “Let’s just plan something out, fake it until we make it. We just have to get rid of whatever this is, deal?â€
His hand is extended in front of hers and she shakes it as closure, like the initiation of a very painful ritual, but the moment their hands connected, the softness of his skin heightened, all sins drained from his body and seemingly an angel in her eyes with the purity in which they looked at each other. Something switched, the air was lighter, as if all the contamination in the world had dissipated and gotten lost in the humongous amount of trees. To stop it, however, she pulls her hands away, losing herself in the book and trying to read more on the subject.
Oh, this is not going to be easy…
ï’š
There are more types of walks of shame than people get to know. It’s not always after a night of passion, of endless shame when realizing that there is just this sense of awkwardness with it all, familiar and yet so stupid, as if the world is judging but also looking to be accepted. Strangely enough, it is something of the like when she tries to meet up with Yoonoh—she calls it the ‘ endlessly stepped plan of becoming friends ’, and Yoonoh gives it another name, something that he only likes to consider as ‘time-consuming stuff’—.
In the verge of embarrassment, they had agreed on not letting any of their friends know and keep silent, as per usual, when around another. The sound of the wind passing by could be listened with a stronger force than the thoughts inside their brains when talking about each other, something that they could only share in the few times they have met up after Alannah’s departure.
With Yoonoh, it is all about diving in the depths of life with a relaxed expression and when she gets to his apartment—much better than hers, private even, without a bunch of roommates snooping around in their business—, she wonders how he is not even the slightest bit bothered. Or maybe, he is—of course he is, but maybe panic just dissolves easily inside him, something that happens to her with a good nap and some Disney movie marathon, but it definitely is stronger these days. With work topped with the fact that she just has to hear Yoonoh talking to her every once in a while, through their thoughts, she doesn’t think she can do anything more than fix this.
His place is as manly as it can get. Expected, like the sweet taste that comes with a sip of wine, or the overly sweet vanilla that comes with eggnog.
Leather couches, albeit a bit old, some pictures with his friends, that fragrance of his sprayed in the air and almost giving her a headache. The walls are gray, nothing too special in the color scheme apart from the navy blue tones and the black ones. His stuff is thrown around everywhere, but it’s not necessarily messy. He had definitely cleaned up…and for not being a university student, he surely organized his place like one.
While he closes the door, she lets her backpack rest on the couch, looking around some more just as Yoonoh starts to speak again. “No one saw you enter, right?â€
“Why? Are you ashamed of people seeing you with me?†She asks, turning around with her hands inside the pockets of her jeans and she swears she expected Yoonoh to sigh, but he simply stares blankly at her. God, she wishes she could hear his thoughts right now…but it must be sincerely enough, perhaps with a bit of fear for judgement, because her mind remains void of his voice. “I am sure you bring like a thousand people here per month. You’re the Jung Yoonoh, after all.â€
He has always been partially an enigma, misunderstood as extremely stuck-up.
Tonight, he looks like a relaxed version of himself—oversized white hoodie and sweatpants, and she dares herself not to inspect his body and keep her mind blank. Since when had she found Yoonoh attractive? She doesn’t know. “Okay, I’m done with this.†His voice is velvety when he gets closer, kicking fake dust from the floor with each step. “What have you heard about me…? Or what is this image that you have of me that has you thinking I’m the worst person alive?â€
“You don’t think the same about me?â€
“I think you’re extremely petty, yes.†He admits, quirking an eyebrow mockingly. “But I have met worse than you. You’re not that scary. All talk, no bite.â€
She can’t help but tighten her fists at that, almost giving one step forward had it not been for the fear of shortening the distance in between the two. With a huff, she is reminiscent of the moment in which she had seen Yoonoh first—so cool, yet awkward with youth, somehow the type of person she had admired at the time, popular but not overly so, not stuck in groups and definitely more lost in living his life one step at a time.
She did the same, just in different circumstances. “You really don’t remember when we were fourteen and you made me go through, like, public embarrassment for some minutes but it felt like hours ?†Her eyes show some kind of exaggeration, inspecting Yoonoh’s features for a moment and then, briefly, she hears the sound of his voice inside her head saying ‘I don’t remember’, to which she scoffs. “Don’t even dare lie to me, I already heard you admitting you don’t remember anything.â€
He drops his hands to the side, chuckling at her words and bringing those deep dimples back to the sides of his face, humming along to her words. “Alright, I don’t remember. I barely remember talking to you before this whole fantasy, soulmate thing.†Yoonoh conquers, watching as she sits down on the couch just in time to give him an explanation.
“You were being a dumbass, fourteen and whatever, you were dancing in front of class with your friends. I don’t even remember the steps anymore…I know you did it as an inside joke and I just thought it would be cool, because I believed I could get the steps right—†She speaks quickly, watching as Yoonoh’s face gets filled with realization and the corners of his lips push themselves down to stop a smile from appearing.
“And I danced, I did it for the laughs and no one laughed in the way I wanted it to be. Everyone was silent and whispering and it was so, so awkward.†She finishes, able to catch Yoonoh’s plump lips in between his lips, his laughter booming soon after, just enough to boil the blood inside her. “That was huge for a fourteen-year-old person. I couldn’t even dance after that; I was too embarrassed to ever do so anymore.â€
Yoonoh tries to control his laughter, taking a seat beside her and pressing a hand to his face to control his laughter. “So, you didn’t dance anymore after that because you felt like you did it wrong?â€
“Yes!â€
“I was fourteen and stupid. I would have hyped you up if you did something like that right now, but I was fourteen . I’m sorry, but…I was a different person back then.†Though, it is not impossible to believe. Yoonoh had grown exponentially more mature with time, equally as calmer. “I just can’t believe—Wait, you didn’t even dance at prom or at a club with a stranger or something?â€
“No and no!†She argues, rolling her eyes and letting out a smile of her own at its own absurdity.
“I was ashamed. It’s like—I was insecure.â€
“And you still are?â€
“Kind of.â€
Yoonoh’s eyes soften at that, brown chocolate colored with a few speckles of hazel turning into delicacy the moment he pats his hand against her arm, almost in form of forgiveness. “I’m sorry. Maybe, even as a way to mend this friendship, we could go out and dance together. It’s something you should experience.†He tells her, trying to search for any form of softness within her, but she simply clears her throat, nodding her head and reaching for her phone before looking down at her notes.
“I guess we’ll have to,†It’s difficult to trust someone so easily, much more when she has already painted the image of a pompous devil in the form of him inside her brain, but that is apart from what they are going to do today. “Like we’ll have to do some trust exercises, to learn how to…deal with each other, you know?â€
“Is that what we’re doing today?â€
“Yep,†She pops the p, writing down on her notes. “First day of becoming friends with Jung Yoonoh.â€
“You make it sound like a mission.
â€
“It is!†She swears she hears Yoonoh grumbling something under her breath when she stands up, fixing her jeans that had fallen off her hips just slightly and looking down at the notes she had searched for on the internet, in some stupid educational sites for creating bonds in between groups of elementary to high school students. “I read that first we have to break the physical breakage we have, kind of like the awkwardness and stiffness, and in order for us to feel more comfortable with each other, we have to be able to coexist in the same place without me wishing you fall or you wishing I shut my mouth.†The corner of Yoonoh’s round lips quirk up at that, standing up at his own accord and nodding his head.
“…Okay, breaking the ice. I get it.†He adds, clearing his throat soon after. “So what do we do?â€
“The goal here…†She looks down at the phone, feeling her face heat up in absolute embarrassment. She hopes that he knows she read this on a website…“is to hug at the end. So we can start by touching each other’s hands and getting closer and eventually hugging. Quick hug, though, nothing serious.
â€
“You don’t have to explain yourself, this is alright.†His consent is clear, nodding his head and leaning forward to look at what she had written on her phone. “Second step is coming clean?â€
“We have to state one major thing we hate about each other but weight it out with two things we like about the other.â€
“Easy.â€
She looks to the side, frowning at his words. “You think that’s easy?â€
“Come on, I’m not that unlikeable and…†His eyes softly trail up and down her face before shrugging. “You seem fine.â€
Interrupting the atmosphere in between then, she continues. “Third step is sharing a secret not a lot of people know to each other. Fourth step is forgiving and fifth step is…†She lets out a soft sigh before shaking her head. “Yeah, we are not doing the fifth step.â€
Yoonoh takes her phone in between his hands and chuckles. “We can stare at each other’s eyes for one minute. That’s nothing!â€
“That’s romantic, I don’t want to do romantic shit with you!â€
“Whatever, we just will see what we can do.
†Yoonoh puts her phone down on the coffee table before extending his hands forward, soft palms seemingly warm when they grab hers in between his fingertips. “So, we hold hands and eventually get closer, right?â€
She doesn’t want to think about the rings on his fingers, the warmth that radiates from him, completely different from the coldness that she would have expected from him and she ponders if using another name instead of Yoonoh’s when thinking about him will confuse the broken soulmate bond, but it seems like that is not the case. “Yes, it should be easy enough.â€
“…You thought I would be cold? Why? You’re so weird.†Yoonoh prompts, only to have her getting closer to him, albeit rolling her eyes a bit.
“Stop reading my thoughts. We won’t get nowhere if you use my thoughts against me when you have the mental control of Newton or some shit.â€
Yoonoh gets a step closer once again, their arms sufficiently close for him to wrap his arms around her shoulders and her to end with her fingers barely gracing his waist. “I think about you, too.â€
“Bad shit, of course.â€
“You say it as if you don’t do the same thing.
â€
“Take this seriously!†She says in the hassle of the moment, pulling him closer by the waist until their chests are pressed together, her chin resting on the crevice of his clavicle and his cheek pressed to her own, though his chest shakes with laughter when he realizes what exactly they are doing. “Don’t laugh…†She bites down on her bottom lip, only to hear Yoonoh chuckling loudly.
“Well, this is fun, contrary to what I would have believed.â€
His thoughts do not differ, clear in his inner voice and inside her brain when he thinks about how fun this evening is starting out to be. The rest of the exercise comes in between laughter, leaving them with stories told and a few words of forgiveness.
At least, one part of their past was closed and there could only be the future.
ï’š
“You do this all day, every day?â€
“All day, every day for the rest of my life. Yes.â€
Glue is the most used material in her plethora, to the point she has gotten used to the sticky substance that clings to her fingertips, the pain on her lower back that doesn’t disappear and will never do if she doesn’t make some time to rest or get a massage, and she is starting to notice how she hunches her back all thanks to working on the flooring of the living room, whenever she is home, that is.
It’s the same once seated on Yoonoh’s flooring, definitely a lot more silent than in her apartment with her roommates, but this is only making her a tad sleepy…
Meeting up with Yoonoh is difficult, much more when she can’t even hit up the bed without falling asleep, so she has to learn how to balance her procrastination skills meanwhile dealing with her broken soulmate to mend their relationship. Soulmate therapy, of some sort. Nevertheless, Yoonoh is concentrated on keeping together two pieces to make the ceiling of her small sized project, enough to be worth more than fifty percent of her final grade, a headache that she is only just now working on. Stress piles up on her like stacks of a Jenga game, trying to concentrate on finishing the last touches and picking up her small brush to paint on some details to create depth and outstanding features for the craft.
On the other hand, Yoonoh seems to be curious…and this is what they are here for, to bond.
“This is tough work,†Yoonoh says, letting go of the pieces he was holding together and staring at the small roof with interest. Not that he gets to do it for long, because she really needs the roof of the gardening spot in this mock-up project.
Her weight leans forward, unaware that it must be a weird position as she tries to graduate the perfect center in order to place the roof down, letting it go to see how it looks and nodding her head when she realizes she can glue it down now. “You must spend a lot of money, too.â€
“Easily.†She admits, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear and looking to the side, sitting back on her thighs and holding onto her stomach. Her ribs could very much be hitting her stomach with how hungry she is, forgoing the idea of lunch to work on this project and soon after, Yoonoh had picked her up to spend their ‘quality time’ together. Still, she could still hear his thoughts, perhaps not trusting each other as much as they would like to. As long as they keep their sincere wishes to nothing deadly, they should be fine. “But it’s what I like…I like creating a story with…architecture. People never pay attention to it, but…I do, I find it very appealing.â€
Yoonoh hums at that, leaning down to look at the mock-up at the same height as her before sighing. “You’ll end up sick if you continue to work like this.†In the back of her mind, she can hear voices of worry that come from him.
You’ll develop back problems , he says, though she chooses to ignore the comment to avoid him from any embarrassment. Worry is just so palpable through him.
“I’m a strong girl. I’ll be fine…maybe walking side to side, but fine.â€
Yoonoh quirks his eyebrow at that, letting out an airy chuckle. “Good thing you said that in context,†He answers, something that has her laughing along with him, though her body bumps against him trying to throw him to the ground. Luckily for him, Yoonoh has learned balance ever since they started to hang out with each other around a month ago. “But I mean it. No one should work this hard and this…uh, uncomfortably?â€
She sighs deeply, resting her cheek against her hand and looking at what is left to do. Glue down the trees, the bushes, the flowers, make sure that there are twenty-four flowers in the garden at the front of the building, just like the one in the field that had inspired her project. If she forgot that, her grade would go down—“I would be much more comfortable if I didn’t leave things for last.†She utters, sitting up straight and looking through the small flowers she had made, placing them down on the mock-up first to see how she should arrange them.
“Actually, the only reason I didn’t leave this career was because of one professor.â€
Yoonoh lays down on the floor, resting his weight on one side, seemingly interested. “You almost dropped out?â€
“Don’t we all want to drop out at some point? It’s life.†She announces, smiling briefly as she is putting down the flowers. In some way, they match his lips…
“The flowers mat—â€
Before he could comment on what she was thinking, she gives an answer to his statement. “You dropped out of college in your first year. You know better than anyone how it feels to just be…unmoving, like everyone has power over you and you can’t do anything.†She says, blinking rapidly at the reminder of the year in which it felt like her throat was always closed, aware of how many times she had almost cried in front of people but stopped herself because of her image. The cool, collected, calm image—and she is like that, most of the time, but that year was insufferable. His eyes are trained on her, looking up and down her features like he normally does as she speaks, as if he could not concentrate on one thing.
Eyes or her lips. Eyes or her lips. “I remember I had this professor—god, she was…such a bitch.†She breaths out, reminiscent of the one person that almost made her drop out. “She would grade me with the lowest passing grade, even when I knew I had more…and everyone else got good grades, so me being…insecure, I just asked for the answers they would give and plan to answer the same in the final test I had. On the last day…†A breath gets caught on her throat, suddenly realizing how far she had come. “On the last day, I answered like everyone had done. How the people with A’s had answered…and the professor took the time to stand up in front of everyone and say I had been right all along, that…my tests were mistakenly graded and that I would get, you know, a small lift in grades.†She utters, rolling her eyes soon after. “I failed that test so badly, only because I wanted to answer like everyone else.â€
Yoonoh’s jaw slacks at that. “No…shit.†He mumbles, only to have her nodding as she glues the roses down.
“Yep. After that final test, the grades I had could not even save what I had done.
I still passed with such a bad grade.†She finishes, placing her knees against her chest and letting silence engulf the moment for a second before Yoonoh speaks up again.
“You’re better than whoever that professor is.â€
“Mrs. Arias.â€
“Well, we’re burning Mrs. Arias’ house. That’s what we’re doing.†He replies, earning a smile from her and soon after, he rolls on his stomach, biting down on his bottom lip as he concentrates on what she is doing on the mock-up.
“Why did you drop out of law school?†She asks, unaware of the story behind that. She knew that Alannah had ran over to him and tried to make him feel better the moment she had heard he had dropped out, but Yoonoh had always masked it as nothingness. Brave, he was. “Everyone and their mothers had wet their panties in high school when they thought of Jung Yoonoh, king of prom suddenly becoming a law student. The idea of you being rich with a suit was a deal-breaker.â€
He laughs at that, looking at her for a brief second before thinking inside his head: “ What about you? Did you think it was a deal-breaker? â€
“I didn’t.
What you thought about, the answer is no.†She answers. “I mean…you were still the arrogant Yoonoh, law school or not.â€
“At least throw some flowers at me, will you?†He says, holding one of the small roses up his face before blowing on it softly, boredom taking the best of him. “It just wasn’t for me. I couldn’t imagine myself in such a complicated world.†A lot of people had, even their group of friends. Yoonoh was always so well spoken that it would have been a nice fit, but maybe he had just followed what society had expected from him, and not exactly what he wanted. “I’ve always wanted to enter in the film major…or maybe theater. You know I was a drama kid for like a year.â€
“Why don’t you try?†And the idea of Yoonoh reciting the lines of some poorly written musical when they were teenagers came back to her head. Maybe, if she had not hated him as much back then, she would have gotten to see his performance and be able to judge his talent.
“I plan to,†He tells her, though his voice softens at the end. “…But, maybe I’m late.â€
“You’re never late.
Unless you’re a pregnant woman, until then, you’re never late.†She says, plopping on the floor softly and moving around until her back calmed down, closing her eyes and letting out a sigh that drowns out Yoonoh’s small:
“Thank you.â€
Though, soon after her stomach growls in the silence, making Yoonoh chuckle loudly as he picks up one of the plastic cups that is on the coffee table, once filled with soda and now completely emptied. One side of the cup ends up on top of her abdomen, his ear on the other side.
“Hello?†Yoonoh fakes being on a call, her hand meant to go to his cheek and slap it softly to get him to stop, but her body is weakened—hunger and also tiredness making a mess out of her. Instead, she touches his face, fingertips trailing on his hair when she softly adds words of her own.
“Stop it…†The smile on her face is clear when Yoonoh pats the hand on top of his cheek, thinking something that she can’t quite perceive with her tiredness.
“Let’s get you some food before you die on my apartment floor.â€
“Don’t wanna get up—â€
“If you die on this floor, our friends will eventually have to know that we hung out and their first thought is that we were together.
†Yoonoh snickers, bringing her up by dragging her by her hand, earning a puff from her.
“Comin’.â€
Getting along feels easier when there is the word ‘food’ in between.
ï’š
Bad ideas taste better when they are done in pairs, with a mess involved and definitely, with regrets after that.
Though, for the past month and a half, moments with Yoonoh rarely translate to absolute and meticulous irritability. As of now, it is common for her to drop by at his apartment—at his time, or hers—and just do something to get the two together. Something seems to be lacking, however, their bond keeping them connected in whatever part of the world, whenever they want…or when they don’t, it’s still highly uncontrolled.
Making popsicles doesn’t sound like much of a mess…until they are the ones to do it and Yoonoh doesn’t seem to get the amount of milk right, something that should be necessary when he desires a cheesecake popsicle and she is dying for a lemon pie, tasteful one. His body is cladded in a white sweater, somehow already bathed in the mess of mixture they had made. The popsicles are already in the freezer, the pair of soulmates left to clean up the counter and make sure to leave it spotless.
She is having fun, though she is not a fan of cleaning and much less when she is extremely tired, but something about listening to R&B music while with Yoonoh, speaking and everything and nothing at all, from their weekends to their moments at work, seeming like the perfect moment, just at the perfect time.
The atmosphere switches at some point, Yoonoh sitting on the counter and forgetting his phone in exchange of having a conversation with her, running his fingertips through his dense hair as he speaks in a casual manner. “I am not normally into banging older women…but—â€
“Normally?†She asks, lifting her eyebrows at the sentence structure that comes from talking about their celebrity crushes. Yoonoh’s cheeks flush at the sound of her voice, chuckling when he leans his head back and licks his lips. “Complete the sentence, you’d bang a grandma, just complete the sentence.â€
Sometimes, she wonders if she should think of him in another name…and she has come up with one. Jae, simple, could be confused with something else, though it’s highly impossible for him to be that stupid. His face is like it was sculpted by god itself, and while he had been too pretty and in the verge of absolute haughtiness when she had met him and when they had grown up, somewhat together, now it just gives her comfort .
Like this is their world, only theirs, their sanctuary for them to enjoy on their own and no one could ever trespass that.
His charm comes from how relaxed he is when he chuckles at her words, always finding what she hears as awkward endearingly funny. “She’s not an old lady, per se, but Song Jihyo is up there in my celebrity crush list.†Yoonoh confesses, looking at her face for some sort of reaction that she tries to be void of. After all, it’s just a celebrity crush.
“When did you start crushing on her?†She asks, getting closer to him and expanding her hand on the counter beside his body, staring at him and having him stare back at well.
He’s definitely defying her, something inside her tells her. “I am not defying you.†Yoonoh confirms, a small curse leaving her lips. “But…promise you won’t make fun of me?â€
“…I…can’t promise that.†He calls her name out in a whispered exclaim, something that has her sighing. “Alright, drop it.â€
“I saw her in A Frozen Flower and…I just crushed on her.â€
Now, it has been a while since she has been a peculiar fan of films and movies, but getting along with Yoonoh and being his soulmate means that she has to have some kind of connection with him, which is why she claps her hands together, albeit a bit exaggeratedly, at the reminder of the movie.
She would never even dare to watch that movie with someone else—“Who would have thought that cool and collected Yoonoh is into softcore, passionate, historical romances with twisted storylines and…lots of questionable scenes.â€
“Hey, the sex scenes are the least of my worries.†Yoonoh adds with a smile on his face, pecking the side of her cheek and laughing along with her. “You’re speaking as if your celebrity crush is not a whole sex symbol!â€
“…I accept it, though.†She confesses, the air getting thicker when the song switches to something softer, a stronger voice speaking about love and lord, she can’t even wrap her hand around what this is…what it feels to have a soulmate and why she had never realized that they had much in common. Yoonoh just seems like he would be a match made in heaven for her, but she doesn’t see him that way just yet. Something keeps him away from him, scared that he’d ever hurt her…and she tries not to think about it, in some way because he probably listened to those worries in one of her slips…or because they have never tried to address it. It’s foolish, but it’s real.
“Want me to tell you something funny?â€
“Tell me. You’re not that funny either way.†She clearly sarcastically comments, aware of the laughter that leaves Yoonoh’s lips and it’s the sound of heaven itself, like the gates have been opened for her and she has been void of all non-sinful ways in her life.
“When I first met you, when we were teenagers, you reminded me of the first girl that had…you know…rejected me. And thirteen-year-old me was bitter.†He tells her, watching as she raises her eyebrows in complete surprise. Huh, that thought would have never crossed her brain…
“So, you were actually trying to be mean to be that day in which I started to hate you?â€
“Not intentionally, I just…didn’t like you.†He tells her, chuckling at his own words and shaking his head, getting off the counter and looking inside the freezer to see how the popsicles are doing. “To be quite honest, you’re not like her at all.â€
Soulmates are meant to be united, yes or yes, but there must be a reason why they had been powerful enough to battle fate. This is what was meant to happen, she believes, but at the same time…being connected to Yoonoh, romantically at least, had always seemed to be impossible.
It must be the same way for him. “…She’s better?â€
“You’re better.†Yoonoh concludes, bringing some kind of feeling to her chest that she can’t quite describe. It’s not hatred…it’s…something more than comfort. “Prettier. More intelligent. I haven’t heard from her since, but I’m guessing I’d be more into you if I had to pick in between the two just now.†He gets the popsicles out at that moment, taking a big bite of his cheesecake one and humming, though it was cut short by his hissing.
“Yoonoh, your teeth are going to get sensible if you eat too quickly—â€
She should have said it earlier, but she was far too entranced in whatever the fuck Jung Yoonoh is.
A nuisance, maybe.
ï’š
One day, silence really does come her way. It settles, it never leaves. For the first time, loneliness is bothersome, felt and weighty on her, with her, alongside her. It just becomes so much a part of her soul when she notices she no longer holds a broken soulmate bond with Yoonoh and this…soulmate connection, although existent, is no different from any other friendship in the world.
She could write an entire project, like the one Yoonoh had ruined once, about how two months-worth of being around Yoonoh are suddenly needed and how bothersome it is to know that she is just another chameleon in his life now. Blended in the background, forgettable, just simply another friend.
Why is that?
Even concentrating on her presentation is difficult, while she is trying to prepare for the next morning in which she has to deliver a presentation at university and speak to the boss in the afternoon for some project that was denied without reason. All she can think about, sadly, like a damned plague living within her soul, is how she hasn’t listened to Yoonoh’s voice in her head for little over a week and when trying their ‘powers’ with each other, thanks to the lack of better term to use, they had discovered they weren’t broken soulmates anymore.
Something about not hearing his voice, so damn close and inside her brain that one would think they had become one, feels like she is empty. There is nothing wrong with that, with loneliness and enjoying the company of one-self, but when you want someone…it’s different. When you know that you can simply try and reach out and get that thought out of your head, it’s absolutely a new world that you are hoping to discover.
She wants to know the real side of Yoonoh, the one that would unite them romantically. Fate knew what it was doing, but being nothing more than a brief memory of something crazy that happened in his life for Yoonoh is difficult.
The question is also about him feeling the same. She is not sure. She has heard, plenty of times, slight comments given by his brain in the form of notes for her to remember, that she is beautiful to him. Cute. Pretty. He is the type of person to throw comments that way, simply because the coquettish blood in him says so. She had not even realized that when he would look up and down at her features, like he could never decide if staring at her eyes or her lips, she had secretly wished that he would simply kiss her.
I wish Yoonoh would date me.
Yet, the wish is not sincere enough, much less does she have enough of that power anymore.
After swatting a few mosquitoes in her living room, she decides to stand up and opts to forget about her presentation for a second to wind down. It only takes her a few movements, though not so slick, much less silent, towards one of her roommate’s rooms, knocking briefly and making herself at home by entering, not even thinking twice about the lack of privacy that she is giving to Suzhu, her cheerful and sweet roommate that she hasn’t talked to much these days, but they always serve each other to brighten up their days.
“Do your skincare routine on my face. I need distraction.†She breathes out when she closes the door behind her, Suzhu diverting her gaze from her phone and furrowing her eyebrows in absolute confusion. No. In worry.
“Alright, sit down.†Suzhu knows that when she asks for her to do her skincare routine, willing to let someone touch her face, only wanting to be pampered, is because her mind is so stuck in something that is bringing her down that she needs a distraction. Saddening, it is, making her feel even more puzzled when she sits down at the edge of Suzhu’s bed, watching as she woman gets out a pouch filled with her skincare products, taking the first item out. “What’s wrong? We can talk about it if you want.â€
Damn Suzhu for knowing her better than she wanted her to, but when she feels the liquid substance hitting her face in the form of cream, bringing some kind of relaxation to her sore muscles, tired of all the frowning, she feels like talking for once after such a hard week. “Girl,†She starts. “How does it feel like to date your soulmate?â€
Putting the lid back on the product, Suzhu hums. “I thought you said you didn’t believe in soulmates.
â€
“I don’t…necessarily.â€
“You don’t?â€
“I’m curious.†She speaks, Suzhu’s cold hands rubbing against her sore cheeks. She lifts her gaze at that, watching the long and black strands of hair that fell down on Suzhu’s face contrasting her sweet features. “Why didn’t you two stay as friends? I mean…you were friends since you were children, why did you want to date him?â€
“Because,†Suzhu starts, swallowing thick saliva and trying to come up with a perfect answer. “I thought that I wanted him for myself. We had such a great connection that I just knew I wanted to share my life with him. He agreed, we liked each other when we grew up. It was…you know, meant to be.†Though, Yoonoh and herself were never meant to be. By fate? Yes. By their rules? Never. She wonders when everything had changed, if she had felt something when she was younger or this had just come out of nowhere, leaving her absolutely confused and only breaking away from her thoughts when Suzhu sprays something on her face. “Why the question?â€
“Because.†She repeats the word, licking her lips and breathing in softly.
“…Do you know Jung Yoonoh?â€
Suzhu nods her head at that. “He actually works out with my boyfriend. Why?â€
“He’s friends with everyone.â€
“Yes.†Suzhu continues. “And?â€
“…And he’s friends with me, since recently…†She knows that Suzhu is a person that she can trust, not too close to her group of friends to ever say anything, but also not fond of gossiping like the rest of her roommates. “Promise you won’t say anything.â€
While taking a sip of her cup of tea, the one that Suzhu always has on her bedside table, she rolls her eyes. “Of course, you can trust me.â€
“Alright,†She wants to stop time and simply not think about what is going on, as if it had never happened. She wanted to act like what she is feeling is invalid and simply not do anything about her feelings, but before she could stop herself from explaining the worst subject matter of her life currently, she speaks up: “I’ve spent a lot of time with him after some kind of hateful relationship towards each other and now I just want him for myself. I don’t know what to do…and I feel like we may be soulmates…the real kind, not exaggerating.
†Though, she is not going to tell Suzhu about what had been going on these past two months. She doesn’t want to sound crazy, after all.
“Then, tell him about it.â€
“It’s not that easy. He’s this…this guy that basically sweats the energy of the type of guy anyone wants to fuck and I don’t want to make a fool of myself.â€
“Anyone can want to get laid by him, but not anyone is you.†Suzhu tries to reason, leaving some kind of sweet taste in her mouth when she pats her hand against her cheek. “So, go and get him. You’ll never lose your soulmate, but you can lose a chance of living life.â€
The night had never felt quite as giddy as that one time.
ï’š
Flowers could make anyone look ethereal, taken out of a magazine, as if everything in the world is suddenly weighted by beauty and peacefulness. No one, however, could ever compare to what her heart did when Yoonoh had picked out some flowers of the garden in front of the apartment building they are in right now, placing them in between his ear and his hair, doing the same to her with his closeness going completely unnoticed by the man himself. Something about having him there, enjoying something she knows he is not even passionate about, is enough.
Addicted, she is, to the way the sun casts down on his face, the little speckles of light brown suddenly shining in his eyes, too tiny for anyone to notice unless they looked at Yoonoh with as much precision as she did. Months ago, her mind would have never come up with such an idea, admiring each breath his perfectly shaped nose took instead of thinking of him as beauty personified. Yoonoh’s life is what makes the artistry of him so gorgeous, like he simply adds peace to a world that is destroying itself. Silence with him is rarely lonely, it feels like…for once, she enjoys the company of another person.
For, Yoonoh is the kind of man to be spontaneous. The type of man that had pretended, along with her, to be an elegant, rich, young couple who were apartment hunting…simply because he had listened to the amount of times she had pointed to this apartment complex when he would pass by in their late night drives, especially when he took her back home. His acting skills had shone through at that moment, leaving her in absolute awe as they look out of the balcony, wearing the most expensive clothes they owned and looking so out of place, knowing damn well they’ll get out of there with the real estate agent, they won’t be buying anything.
Still, Yoonoh keeps up the act, hands interlocked together in front of his body, elbows leaning on the railing.
“You’re wearing my favorite dress of yours.†Yoonoh says, something in his voice having nostalgia in it, lifting his eyebrows as he is reminiscent of something. “It’s the dress you wore to Alannah’s birthday party last year. The mint green one.â€
With the trees surrounding them and his denim jacket draped over her expensive-looking body-con dress, she looks at him with absolute interest. God, she wishes he could hear her thoughts now…aware of how he had dumped this baggage of feelings on her as if he didn’t have any more space in this world to put it on. “Did I?†She chuckles at the same time that he nods his head. “I don’t even remember. How do you remember that?â€
“You see, you were a dick to me ninety percent of the time but, †Yoonoh continues, reaching forward and dragging her closer by the collar of his denim jacket, fixing it for her. “You were a pretty dick.â€
“Phrase that better.†She laughs loudly, earning laughter from him as well.
“It was on purpose.
â€
“Yeah, yeah. I’m a pretty dick.â€
“Just take the compliment.†Yoonoh finishes, making her smile softly as she looks up at him. Soulmates, connected through and through, and yet, she can’t have him. A week prior to this, Suzhu had been telling her to try getting closer to him and tell him what she feels, but when they had gone out—in this occasion, to be exact—she could not even utter a word about that. “I wish I could hear what you’re thinking.â€
“Who says I’m thinking about you?†She teases, only to have Yoonoh shrugging his shoulders.
“I listened to some pretty good things about me in that brain,†He presses his forefinger to her forehead, tapping on the skin before letting out a sigh. “You know, I’m going to cut the chase—â€
“Huh?â€
“Go out with me. On a date. It’s stupid that we are pretending we didn’t listen to each other’s thoughts going from ‘ I hate you ’ to…passively romantic stuff.â€
Something about the way he smiles, so patiently—like he has all the time in the world, is everything she needs and more.
Young love, so reminiscent of the way his name slips her lips when she is speaking quickly to him, is the only way she could describe him. Young love that had masqueraded itself as hatred, young love that had learned about forgiveness enough to nod her head and wrap her arms around his body, like letting go of him would be impossible now.
For the first time in her life, she greets young love like something that is not repulsive, and strangely enough…this feels like a goodbye to utter heartbreak, because their souls had connected and now it was difficult to rip them apart.
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